Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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