So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
