you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No subtext here. People are naked.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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