Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
