Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
