So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
