The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
