well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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