I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
