Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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