i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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