Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
