She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
