he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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