Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
