I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
