Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mouth tastes like poor choices
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
