we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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