there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He shit in the fireplace
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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