he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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