Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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