i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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