pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
