we have officially lost it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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