WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and she was petting her beer can
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
