I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was like eating out sand paper
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
