Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
