Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
