I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
