i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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