You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
