dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
