im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
