something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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