Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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