we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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