So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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