I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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