yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
