Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
