But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
