I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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