I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
