grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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