my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
smell my finger.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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