Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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