Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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