i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
