i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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