it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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