did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
