WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
