I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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