my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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