Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
