next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
