You smell like stripper and shame
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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