So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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