Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
