I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
