If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
