dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
