I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
