These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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