Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
